Life is a gift, when you add creativity to it; it makes a good story to be jotted down... here...

My sister wrote something in her journal or something.
I was looking for the mail and under a big pile of papers there was a note that my sister wrote to her self. Looked like it had been torn out of a notebook. She mentioned lots of hurtful things. I cried.
She mentioned my grandfather... my moms dad. How we dont go visit him anymore and how she thinks my and my mom hold a grudge. I dont hold a grudge... I'm just hurt. He didnt take care of her properly... and well... its hard to accept that it was just my grandmothers time to go. I cried alot. She talked about how when she was about 9... she would hear and see my parents fighting. She got to see some heavy fights... but not near as heavy as the ones i saw. But then again... i am 6 yrs older than her. And well... she's 14.. and it hurts that she thinks so badly. She hurts inside b/c she doesnt understand. She says she doesnt really understand completly as to why my parents and I fight so much especially the heavy duty fights with my dad.
Thanks to my dad... i have a hard time trusting men. Yes I'm miss happy go-lucky... and i have my fun, and i have my lengthy relationships... but inside its hard to be trusting. Yes I am a "daddy's girl" at times... but not as much as everyone thinks. I've gotten this far in life b/c I had to. I had to pick myself up when no one was there to pick me up. I saw the abuse, I witnessed it first had. And trust me it hurts.
I dont go to Mexico too often *not at all* since my grandmother died. Yes I still have my dad's mom.. but its not the same. She didnt raise me. She wasnt the one who gave me the strength to live and to go home and face the hell I was living. She prayed for me every day and every night. She was so pure and awesome. She cried and I cried when I had to leave after our visits. *i'm crying now*
I miss her... and the hardest thing to accept is that she is gone, and I can't do anything to change that. I should of been there... and its hard to accept that this is the way its was suppose to happen.
My sister mentioned me.. and how I very nice, and how she thinks that I hide how I feel sometimes. She thinks that I'm sad inside... and maybe even angry.
And truth is... yes I am sad inside. The past has beaten me to a pulp. I've lived some horrible truths. Beaten, raped, abused, neglected, betrayal, heartbreak, heartache, illness, and disappointment.
Yes, now I am getting somewhere in life... and yes.. .I am making things happen for me... But i've had a harsh life. And i'm not even that old yet. I still have a full life ahead of me. But b/c so many ppl... .and so many situations have ruined the innocence of growing up... I hurt now. I hurt in silence, but I do hurt. I keep busy b/c I dont want to be alone. I keep busy when I'm alone.. I think, and see how much it hurts.
Wanna know why I dispise those that try to harm me now, ruin my life, and just make things "worst" or "bad"... b/c I thought I was done with dealing with the pain. And each time someone comes tries once again to ruin it... I get angry.. not just with them... but with life itself. You would think that maybe... just maybe I've suffered enough.
I go out, I have my fun, I get up each day, go to school, go to work, talk to my friends... and life my life... but I have scars that cover my soul... and trust me... the are still healing.
Maybe now that the a-holes see the inside... of me... now that they actually know.. maybe now they can stop imagining what my life is like... maybe the stories will stop... maybe they'll leave me alone.
So reading my sisters note.. .that hurt. I didnt realize that she thought that way.